Recently, I have been reading memoirs written by people as their death approached. I have been watching live streams: people who have written extensively about mindfulness, discuss dying. Discussing no death, no fear.
Closing my iPad, having had enough of death for the day, I see I am on a new path, I am in the middle of an adjustment, an alteration of the course. Now I have clarity on the phrase, “keep death as your ally”. Death is my collaborator in living. One might say partners in a game, where I understand that I will always concede the final point.
Thursday is my birthday. I will be 66. Playing a game with dice and rolling double sixes thrilled me. Having reached this stage of living, transition is all around me. I don’t mean death per se, but more the sensation of transitioning into a new phase. I have let go of many things, concepts, beliefs, fears, this phase is even cleaner. Letting go has become not second nature but an art.
When I was young there was a lot of talk about dying to your Self. Never completely sure what it meant, losing the ego or something, I didn’t contemplate it long. The whole dying thing freaked me out.
Death is the biggest mystery of our lives, and while I am in no hurry to find the solution, the idea of dying to oneself once so alarming, now makes sense. I get it now. And there’s the rub, for to have death as the ally, to die to oneself, is to acknowledge that someday is really, now. And now. And now.
I strive to release the fear of living, for the joy of dying to the Self.
This threshold being crossed, the new path rising to meet me is a function of time on the planet, but more, it’s realizing that I am more aligned than I have ever been before.
This needn’t be something we have to get old to experience, it can come from a conscious connection to Source. To what is all around us, moving through us, one to the other. We are all connected, and we have all been here before. I see the Source in you that is also in me, with Death as our ally. Impeccable living on the path with heart.