Fear Itself

Without my conscious connection to Source, there is so much to be afraid of in this world. Most often the fear comes in the form of what I think could happen. Not what will happen, just my projections of all the possible hurts and forms of harm that may come in living. When I am not aligned, I catalog all the awfulness, so I won’t ever be ambushed by life. Like whistling in the dark.

It is awkward to communicate to others how fear of events that have not come, but only live in the astral place of “could happen, has happened to others”, has me scrambling. Not merely because I worry they won’t understand, but more because they do. Few want to join me on the fear train, as it opens the doors to their own cache of horrors. This itemizing only sets up a chain of anxiety that leaves me breathless and feeling deserted.
The other reason for my reticence to tell on my fear is shame. I suffer from fancied self-reliance. Not ego; shame. I feel I should be more than I am.

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The Path

In the 70s I felt I needed to find my bliss, take the road less traveled, find the path with heart. Previously, I was fine just drifting, happy to let life just happen. But as the world began to change, as I began to age, I thought perhaps I needed the structure of a “path”.

Often when I am working with someone who wants to know what their path is I tell them to look down at their feet. The path has always been there.

I started out Roman Catholic (and still retain much of what appealed to me there). I went to Catechism and it seemed that all the “bad” kids were in my class. It was very easy for us to get the nuns to talk more about the woman who prayed to St Theresa Little Flower night after night for a baby, and how the night she conceived the whole room smelled of roses, than the Holy Trinity. Or the story about the young girl so in love with the Holy Spirit, that after she received her first Communion she stayed overlong kneeling in prayer at the alter rail, only to be found dead. She had been called to heaven.

It was like a living a version of The Twilight Zone.

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In Faith

Faith is defined as a belief in something for which there is no proof, and proof means compelling evidence. Some people hear the word faith and think religion. I am not referring to religious faith. The faith I live with is the belief that I can live in alignment through Love.

What kind of evidence would be compelling enough? I have seen miracles, and some folks would decline to call them such; miracles may be in the eye of the beholder. I choose to witness the miracle, and in doing so I participate in a world that welcomes me, welcomes life, offers Love.

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About Prayer

Last night before I fell asleep I reviewed my day. It is a practice I began decades ago. This assessment consists of things I feel solid about and things I feel need adjusting. In the review I felt strong about my spiritual condition: my prayer life, service, and gratitude. These three things have kept me on course through some very rocky times.

In the early stages of my recovery from addictions and misery, not one of these was a constant in my life. I was always uncomfortable in my own skin, always felt I was being served a cold meal from cold hearts, and I was extremely distrustful of people.

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Vernal Meditation

The breath of light between the inhale and exhale is the maiden light, entering where life begins.

In church the altar is located at the Eastern end of the building. East, where things begin.

During harsh winter, seeds grow a tough exterior to survive, and as the sun increases these seeds need help removing the rigid surface. Rub them with sandpaper, soak them in warm water. Help ready them to break open and move toward the growing light.

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What Is a Light Bridge?

When I was young I was guided to a crossroads. People were searching for truth, divinity, and magic. They wanted to truly be through the looking glass. I walked that path and while not many stayed on it, I did, and it means everything to me. Today, more than ever we are at this landmark again. I see and hear the questions: do we need a course of study? what books should we read? who is the person we should talk to?

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